


Animals of Majesty and Grace

by MrsDvlDg



Category: The Magnificent Seven (TV)
Genre: Based on True Stories, Gen, Humor, Magnificent Seven AU: ATF
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-27
Updated: 2020-07-03
Packaged: 2021-03-03 21:34:24
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 8
Words: 4,473
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24952396
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MrsDvlDg/pseuds/MrsDvlDg
Summary: Loosely connected stories about the Seven's horses based on author's childhood experiences
Comments: 10
Kudos: 24





	1. Author's introduction

The following collection of short stories/chapters came from a little plot bunny that was started by a picture/meme on Facebook. So often, horses (even the ornery ones of our Seven) are written as being majestic and graceful beasts. However, having grown up with horses and seeing just how unusual they can act, it tickled me that these animals of majesty and grace are sometimes anything but that.

Unfortunately I still cannot figure out how to post an image here so I can't show picture started the desire to share some of the funnier stories of horses and ponies I had around during my childhood and young adulthood. I wrote out a few of the tales I remembered but was short of having seven full stories so I contacted my sister. She remembered so many more that I suddenly had a bit of a dilemma in choosing just seven! Each chapter is it's own story but there is a loose story line tying them all together.

Please enjoy! While details may have been changed to fit the world of fanfic, the main facts of all these narratives are true. Real horses acting up and creating tales that are full of humor and are a delight to tell years after the event occurred.


	2. Pony

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Radio gaga horse

Vin fired up the old, beater pickup truck that Chris kept for driving out into the pasture to repair the fences. Nathan might have a fit later since he was supposed to be making sure Chris stayed off his ankle but he simply couldn't taking anymore of Chris's bitching about the fence needing repair and how he was supposed to be doing that this week with vacation time instead of sitting and icing his ankle which had come close to being broken in last week's bust. Vin had just gotten passed the roughest terrain in the pasture when he realized that the tape deck in the ancient truck wasn't working. Just his luck that the only station the twisted antenna would pick up was a classic country station. Now, he liked country music, any and all, especially if Ezra was around because nothing got the Southerner's goat faster than twang, but replacing fence rails by himself in late spring? He wanted rock.

He was contemplating turning around and grabbing one of the portable CD players that Chris still had when he hit another bump. His butt bounced hard on the seat and a spring poked him way to close to a sensitive area for comfort. He'd deal with the radio and get those fence rails replaced to shut Chris up. He parked the truck and left the driver's door open so he could hear the music. It was then that he realized that he'd forgotten to do one other thing before driving out here. All seven horses had followed him out the the edge of the pasture. Vin sighed and tied the bandanna around his head. Looked like he was replacing one board at a time instead of yanking all of them off. He didn't want to add chasing down the herd to his to-do list.

Vin counted the number of boards in the bed of the truck. He also noted that Chris had loaded screws, a battery powered screw driver, and an extra battery. He then examined the length of fence his friend had been fretting over. The fence was between Chris and his neighbor's land. Their horses rarely came out to this area of the field since the better grazing was in the other direction for them. But the neighbor's horses often came by this line of fence. Vin approved of what the man did, but it made it hard on Chris's fencing. The man took in and fostered abused and undernourished horses. Lots of times that meant that the horses were wood chewers as well. Chris and his neighbor had worked out a deal after the second time Chris had to replace the boards in this fence line. Neighbor paid for high quality elm boards that were safe if chewed on and Chris replaced the chewed boards. The change from nails to screws was probably another way to protect the horses that had had little luck so far in their lives.

Vin had replaced two boards when he turned back to the truck to get the next boards. His jaw dropped open, and the screwdriver hit the ground. He blinked at the sight in front of him.

Pony was leaning against the truck, his head laying on the middle of the bench-seat back, ears pricked forward. It was hard to say for certain, but Vin could almost swear that the horse was keeping time with his tail as the gelding brushed off flies. Getting closer to the truck, Vin also noticed that Pony's eyes were half shut as though the music had relaxed him into a doze. Vin shook his head and simply worked around the music loving horse and finished replacing the boards.

He did have to climb into the truck using the passenger door because Pony refused to move until Vin shut off the radio. He drove back to the barn with the horses trailing after him. Seeing as it was close to feeding time anyway, Vin put all seven horses in their stalls with their feed before heading to the house. Hopefully Chris would be in a better mood after resting alone all afternoon.

Sure enough, Chris stood on the porch, using his crutches to keep his balance, while holding a beer out to Vin. Vin took it and snorted, “Cowboy, you have one weird ass horse!”


	3. Chaucer

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Some horses have tight lipped mouths.

Nathan wiped the sweat from his brow. He knew that he was quick and skilled with a syringe. One had to get that fast with needles when you take care of a bunch of crazy law enforcement officers that like to put themselves between bullets for each other. He lost count of how many times he'd administered adrenaline, morphine, and other drugs in helping EMTs take care of his “highly suspicious of medical professionals” teammates. Honestly, he would have thought that they would have learned by now if they just quit getting hurt the only time they'd have to see a doctor would be for a yearly physical.

So here he was, chasing down the horses that Chris had let out this morning instead of leaving them in their stalls so that he could give them their yearly inoculations. Chris was on a camping trip with Billy. It was a guys only trip, and Orin claimed that sleeping on anything outside of his bed would have him in traction for a month. Chris chose to take Billy over trying to fill Orin's shoes for that time. Nathan had told Chris that he'd be out by 8 am, but his boss had let the horses out anyway. Now he was chasing them down one at a time while the day was turning out to be unusually warm and humid.

Ignoring the incredibly miffed look that Chaucer was giving him, Nathan untied the gelding and set about to catching the last horse. Chaucer and Peso were always the hardest to catch unless they wanted to be caught. Peso was now waiting patiently in the middle of the pasture for Nathan to start what the ornery mule probably thought was a game. He noted that Chaucer was heading over to the water tank. Figuring that for once the horse was not going to hold the vaccinations against him, Nathan locked eyes with Peso.

He was just ready to toss the looped lead rope over Peso's head when his back was suddenly soaked with something warm, wet, and kind of slimy. Peso dodged the thrown lead as Nathan howled in shock. He spun around to witness Chaucer licking his lips. Nathan stepped back to pull his shirt over his head. Sure enough, that stubborn cuss had walked over to him with a mouthful of water and drenched his back with it. Even more irritating was Chaucer staring at him with a look that said he was not sorry in the least for covering Nathan's back with horse temperature water and grass. The chuckle from the fence by the barn drew his attention away from the sorrel.

“Vin? What are you doing here?”

“Figured you might have trouble with Peso and Chaucer and came out to help. I'll catch Peso while you find a dry shirt.”

“I'll wait until I'm all done. I'm heading home after this at any rate.”

“Nathan? Why'd you turn your back on Chaucer? Surely you heard him getting a drink.”

“Yeah. Why's that matter?”

Vin shook his head. “Nathan, unless you see Chaucer lick his lips after getting a drink, he's plannin' on dropping a mouthful on someone. Usually whoever annoyed him last. Got me once. Now I either sweeten his temper with peppermints or I don't turn my back until he's licked his lips away from the tank.”

Nathan rolled his eyes. Leave it to their “gambler's” horse to have a tell and him not notice.


	4. Peso

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jealousy comes in the "color" of... horse?

Vin pulled up at Chris's ranch. Chris had agreed to help one of the new federal judges buy a good horse. The judge had promised his grand-kids that he would have a horse for them when they came out to visit since they lived in an Eastern city and he had moved to “cowboy country.” After not finding what they were looking for at any nearby auctions, Chris suggested they go up to Cheyenne and asked Vin to watch the horses overnight.

Diablo, Chris's big ranch mutt, ran up to greet Vin as he got out of the Jeep. The older black dog was followed by a large-pawed, black puppy with floppy ears.

“Huh, Diablo, looks like Cowboy finally got you that puppy pal he's been talking about,” Vin commented, rubbing the ears of both dogs.

The puppy flopped onto its back for a belly rub. Vin laughed and obliged the little guy with a good hard belly rub. A snort from the fence had Vin looking up to see Peso hanging his head over the wooden rails. He walked over to rub the mustang's ears and neck to say hi, with the new puppy attempting to untie his shoelaces. After giving Peso some attention, Vin headed back to his Jeep and grabbed his overnight bag. He dropped that in the house, found the note with the puppy's name, and changed into the old boots he kept at the ranch for working around the horses.

Vin stepped back onto the porch and took a moment to look around his surroundings. He didn't know when he'd started doing it, but it was now habit to get a big picture of what he was stepping into after leaving a building. All the horses were calmly relaxing in the pasture, grazing or dozing in the sunshine. Diablo had slipped under the fence, followed by Max (Chris's note said he expected the dog to get big enough to take down a motorcycle based on his feet).

Vin walked toward the barn as Diablo came to join him. Max was distracted by something that had his nose to the ground. Since the path Max was on was taking him toward the barn, Vin decided to let the puppy explore. He grabbed the pitchfork to clean the stalls just as movement caught his attention. Peso was slowly walking up behind Max as the puppy followed his nose. The ornery mustang then grabbed a hunk of skin right around Max's shoulders and lifted the puppy up. He turned as though he was going to carry Max someplace but the wiggling puppy proved too heavy for Peso to carry far. Vin laughed as Max fell over his feet before wiggling back under the lowest fence rail. Peso bobbed his head like that was what he had planned before coming over to rub his head on Vin's back.

“Peso, you are one cantankerous beast! Max wasn't going to steal me from you,” Vin crooned as he rubbed his horse's neck.

Peso simply snorted before going back out to graze while Vin got started on the chores that Chris had to leave unfinished so he could get started up to Cheyenne. Max sat on the other side of the fence, clearly not understanding why a horse would try to carry him like his mother used to. Diablo stretched out in the cool dirt shade of the barn, inside the pasture fence, to take a quiet nap since Max was not willing to brave the horses again. Vin grinned. People wondered why he liked animals so much, but they obviously had not witnessed the crazy antics that made any day better.


	5. Lady

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Love bite?

Vin waved at Chris as he pulled into the ranch with the horse trailer. It was clear that he and the federal judge had found a horse worth bidding on and bought the animal. Vin was glad he had gone ahead and readied that eighth stall. Strolling toward the trailer, Vin waited for Chris to shut off the truck before opening the door. He stared in shock at the horse Chris had encouraged the judge to buy. The sorrel gelding had short legs and a large body putting him at just over 14 hands with an enormous rump. The face also looked a bit short but the lips looked like they belonged on a moose!

“Cowboy? Really?” Doubt was clear in Vin's voice.

Chris smirked. “He's a solid animal. Pretty even-tempered too. Won't take much training to make him 'bomb proof.'”

“If you say so. Just never thought I'd see the day when you'd bring back a horse that might beat out Josiah in the big and homely division.”

“Buddy may not look like much but he can carry the judge's weight. He's six years old, well-trained from what I can see. I'm going to see what he knows and make sure he can handle loud kids before he goes to his new home.”

“Who're you gonna put out with him tomorrow?”

“Probably Lady. She's usually the most laid back with new horses. Unless she's in a mood.”

Vin nodded.

The next afternoon, Chris and Vin watched Lady and Buddy out in the side pasture. Being as laid back as he was, Buddy hadn't argued with Lady over who was going to be top horse. What the mare wanted, the gelding was willing to let her have. Then Lady pulled her tail to one side and tossed her head. Chris watched closely. Either Lady was in the mood to play or she was going into one of her rare “equine PMS” cycles. Lady walked up to Buddy's rump and bit him hard enough that the gelding jumped. Chris realized that she was playing as she lifted her tail up and trotted with a high step away from the gelding. Buddy, insulted at the unprovoked attack, started galloping after the mare. Lady tossed her head and continued trotting in large circles around the running gelding, staying just out of reach of retribution.

Vin started laughing so hard at the sight that he was clinging to a fence post to stay on his feet. Chris draped himself over the rail, chuckling almost silently and shaking his head. Finally Buddy stopped, his head drooping and his sides heaving. Lady trotted one more circle around the gelding before slowing and continuing to graze. Buddy, giving one last hard look at his pasture mate, headed over to the water tank for a drink. Chris took a quick look at the horse's rear, confirming that while Lady had certainly gotten Buddy's attention, she had done no harm to the other horse.

Vin wiped tears from his eyes.

“Should we warn Buck about Lady's idea of foreplay?” the sharpshooter quipped to his friend.

“No. Maybe his animal magnetism will finally bite him in the ass,” Chris responded in dry humor.


	6. Milagro

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Where are the brakes!?

JD shifted in his saddle as he took the US flag from Josiah. He slid the pole into the holder that had been attached to Milagro's saddle for just this reason. The organizers of this year's Colorado Law Enforcement Charity Rodeo and Western Show had wanted the flag to be carried at a full gallop while the National Anthem was sung by the Denver Children's Honor Choir on a temporary stage in the center of the arena. Milagro danced in anticipation of getting to run but JD held him steady. JD was thankful for the long runway into the arena because that would give Milagro time to get up to speed before entering the arena. He rarely got the chance to open his beloved gelding up to full speed since cutting was their event, but the Morab had speed and endurance to spare outside of quick footwork needed for cutting.

As the introduction to the National Anthem started, JD and Milagro raced into the arena. JD kept a light hand on the reins, allowing the gelding to stretch out his legs. Holding onto the flag was a little tricky as the wind from their speed threatened to pull it out of his hands. That said, there was also the sheer exhilaration of letting Milagro stretch out his legs and FLY! The final strains for the National Anthem seeped into JD's mind, and he realized that he needed to start slowing Milagro down. Crazy horse just ignored the gentle pulling on the reins and kept running.

Scenarios quickly ran through JD's head. Easiest way would be to stand up in the saddle and haul back on the reins, but that wasn't acceptable as that would mean that JD would have to drop the flag onto the ground. He could let Milagro run back down through the runway, but that was too dangerous as he would be running right toward the livestock and other participants. Best course of action would be to turn Milagro toward the center of the the arena into the front of the pickup truck that was being used to pull the stage that the kids were standing on while singing. The big, wide hood of the truck would present Milagro with a barrier that he couldn't jump or go through, nor could the horse miss seeing it, unlike the metal fence rails.

As the choir started the very last line, JD and Milagro turned toward the center. He vaguely heard Josiah's shout at him but was too focused on stopping Milagro without hurting anyone to focus what his teammate said. Halfway to the truck, JD stood in the saddle and pulled the reins back as hard as he could with one hand. Milagro finally got the message. He sat down on his haunches as his front feet slowed, coming to a stop less than a yard from the truck's grill. JD grinned as he realized that through sheer luck, Milagro had come to a complete stop just as the final notes faded. With any luck, no one outside of those performing would ever know that the showy finish had not been planned.

Turning Milagro around, they trotted out of the arena in front of the truck. Milagro tossed his head around as though he knew that he'd given the crowd quite a show. Josiah's eyes were narrowed as he took the flag from JD.

“What were you thinking, Kid?”

“I was thinking that I needed to get Milagro to stop. We've practiced the slide stop a few times. We may never use it while cutting but it gives Ezra a reason to keep Chaucer at his peak. Speaking of Ez, did he see Milagro's stop?”

“I did indeed, Mr. Dunne! You can be assured that during the reining competition, Chaucer and I will erase any memory of your uncontrolled slide stop!”

JD smirked. He loved competing with his “brothers,” especially when they didn't know there was competition.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For those not familiar with horse breeds and official crosses, the Morab is a Morgan-Arabian cross. Not the fastest of breeds used for working cattle, it is highly rated for cutting which needs fast footwork and a horse willing to focus on a task to the exclusion of everything else.
> 
> I was looking for a horse breed at least part Arabian since the horse involved in the true story of this incident was a purebred Arabian mare. Once she got to stretch out her legs and run, she did not like to stop before she was ready!


	7. Prophet

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A sweet-toothed smile.

Mary smiled as Billy and Katie chatted up a storm in the backseat. Billy was trying to tell Katie all the “horse rules” that Chris had put in place to keep Billy safe around the horses at his ranch. Katie was talking over Billy about what she wanted to do: pet the horse, feed the horse, braid flowers into the tail... Gerard had been a bit nervous about letting his daughter go out with Billy because of the size of the animals, but Mary had assured her late husband's best friend that Chris knew what he was doing.

“Chris is putting some finishing touches on a horse that will be around children. He wants to make sure that his training is sticking with the gelding. Chris has assured me that this gelding is very laid back. Also, the kids won't be in with the horse. He just wants a lot of noise near the corral fence. You know how loud Billy and Katie get around each other.”

Gerard consented so Mary told Chris that they would come out Saturday afternoon. It wasn't easy, but when they pulled into the ranch, Mary herded both children inside the house. Chris wanted a chance to put Buddy through some warm ups. He would come get the kids when he was ready.

“Billy, Katie, let's put some of these cookies on a plate for Chris. Then while you're out at the corral, I'll make lemonade and iced tea for after.”

Billy and Katie were just about vibrating with excitement which meant that they would definitely be loud as soon as they were let outside. Mary winced as the voices raised up to a shout when Chris came in.

“IS IT TIME? CAN WE GO OUT NOW? WHAT COLOR IS THE HORSE?”

Chris simply stood in a quiet fashion until both children quieted down.

“Yes, I came in to get you. Rules are you stand or sit on the flatbed wagon I have near the corral. You can make as much noise as you want but you are not to get off the wagon. Am I clear?”

Billy and Katie grinned at each other and then each snuck a cookie when the adults weren't looking. They said that they were big kids now and proved it by climbing onto the wagon by themselves. Chris then started working Buddy, who showed no signs of being distracted or disturbed by the shrieking, laughing children.

Suddenly Chris looked over at the wagon when he heard a yell that was part indignation and part anger. Chaucer was trying to steal a cookie from Billy. Katie also had a cookie and was holding it at arm's length behind her. He stopped Buddy's workout and watched as Prophet stretched his neck out and quickly lipped the cookie out of Katie's hand. Prophet made short work of the cookie and Chris started laughing as the horse threw his head up in the air, turned at a funny angle, with his lips curled away from his teeth. Buddy looked at his trainer who up to this point had been all business around him and then over at the foot stomping children. Chris decided that the session was over when Prophet managed to steal the cookie that Billy had been trying to keep from Chaucer. This time, Prophet's same reaction did get the kids to laugh as well, but Chris had no idea how many cookies the kids had brought out with them.

“C'mon, kids. Let's quit making Prophet show off all of his sweet teeth!” Chris called out. “Head on inside to protect whatever cookies you have left!”


	8. Badger

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Whoa means stop.

Mary watched indulgently as Billy checked that Chris had secured the door on the trailer properly. Buddy was being delivered to his permanent home before the festivities of Orin Travis's surprise birthday party began. The team had balked at the idea of hosting it to begin with because he was their boss and no one wanted to be on his bad side, but Evie had insisted that she wanted it to be a complete surprise. Mary had agreed to be out there for the preparations so that Travis couldn't blame any of the Seven for the decorations. The only thing they had a hand in were the beverages. The food would be provided by Evie's normal caterer.

When Mary looked out the kitchen window an hour later, she let out a shriek that had six men and one little boy running into the room.

“Billy! Didn't Chris tell you to make sure the gate was latched!”

Seven horses were out of the pasture and heading right for the tables and chairs that the six men had spent two hours putting up. Billy's face turned red as his eyes filled with tears but none of the men stopped to comfort the child. Ezra and Vin raced toward the barn. Buck, Josiah, JD, and Nathan ran to cut the horses off and keep them away from the tables.

Nathan was bringing up the rear as he had been the last one out the door and in desperation yelled, “Whoa!!!”

Josiah looked strangely at Nathan but quickly recovered to grab Badger. Of course, Nathan's horse would be the one to respond to a simple voice command. Without Josiah and Nathan running behind them, the other horses slowed to a walk. Prophet, Lady, and Milagro dropped their heads to start nibbling on Chris's main lawn. It wasn't until Vin and Ezra arrived with two metal pails of corn that Peso and Chaucer allowed themselves to be caught.

The men were just getting Peso and Chaucer back through the gate when Chris arrived back with the now empty trailer. He took in the six frazzled, sweaty teammates of his, the hoof prints through the yard that Evie had insisted on have “manicured,” and a teary-eyed Billy on the porch with Mary. He simply shrugged his shoulders. Manicured lawns did not exist when you had livestock of any sort and the damage wasn't bad. He told Billy so after making sure the boy understood why it was so important to always check that the gate was latched securely. He then joined in making sure the tables and chairs hid the worst of the torn grass while the guys told the story of catching the seven equines.

“What were you thinking, Nathan?” Chris laughed at the medic stopping his horse with just a verbal command.

Nathan shrugged. “It worked. Kinda.”

“Maybe we should send you in with Ezra from now on. That way you can tell the criminals to freeze and they might just follow the order.”

“Not likely. Badger is way smarter than any criminal. Now if Peso starts listening to me, then I might think the idea has merit.”

Vin stuck his tongue out at Nathan before joining the group in the laugh. They all had some weird ass horses, but it just meant life was never dull.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We have come to the end of funny stories about the Seven's horses. There are many more that I could tell but these were the best of the crop. Thank you for letting me share memories of my horses in the form of fan fiction with you.


End file.
